Things have been weighing on my mind a lot lately. Chalk it up to it being January or that I'm a very emotional/reflective person. I remember at the beginning of the month, lots of articles described January being a time of great reflection for people. Consider it a time to reevaluate your life. You've got a whole year ahead of you to accomplish new or not so new goals. I have previously mentioned some of my non-resolutions. I'm really not a big fan of resolutions. It feels like such a waste after you've been good for a month or two and then suddenly fall off the wagon. I am making a conscious effort to change certain parts of my life for, what I think is, the better.
Without going into so much detail, some of the things that have been on my mind are not a result of the new year. They have been going on for a few months. Now for those of you who do not know, I am a Christian. I am a firm believer that Jesus Christ was born and died for the sins of myself and others. I believe that we all have a place in Heaven should we choose to accept Jesus as our Saviour. I completely understand that there are people who do not believe this. It is everyone's right to choose what they believe. With that disclaimer, I have been struggling with something (we shall call it X) that I have tried to control. In case you also didn't know, I'm a major control freak!! I'm a planner. I like to know what is going to happen when and all the nitty gritty details that go along with it. There are occasions where it truly doesn't matter what is happening (roadtrips, vacations, family time, etc.). With X, I want to be in control. I want to know when, where, why, how, etc. all about X. I like having security in X. Deep down, I know that I cannot control my life. I honestly do not believe that there are any variables that I have complete control over. Most aspects of your life are constrained by work, friends, family, health, weather, etc. While I've been attempting to control X, I feel like I've lost myself somewhere in the mix. I've been stressed. I've made myself sick, exhausted, cranky, selfish, pitiful, confused, etc. and etc. All of this could be avoided if I would just give it to God.
I've been reading a book called "Love Your Life - Living Happy, Healthy & Whole" by Victoria Osteen. Her name may sound familiar because she is married to Joel Osteen, television evangelist and author, among other things. I picked this up at Borders one day when they had bargain books $3.99 and buy one get one free! If it looked interesting, I purchased it. :) Anyways, in a chapter titled "Embracing What's Important," Victoria used an example of how hunters used to trap monkeys. Hunters would fill a large barrel with bananas and cut a small hole in the side of it, just barely big enough for the monkey to get its hand and arm through. The monkey would reach in to get a banana and then try to run away. Small problem, the banana wouldn't fit through the hole because of the way the monkey was holding it. The monkey wouldn't let go of it and would eventually be captured. She uses this as an example to say that so many of us are holding onto things that aren't important in our lives.
A few weeks ago, I was in Summersville visiting Seth. During Sunday School, a similar story was being discussed. This man was walking along the beach with his family. His two sons were running everywhere gathering seashells. Someone notices a starfish in the water and one boy runs out into the water to grab it. Without picking it up, he runs back to shore. He does this a few times until finally his father asks "What is wrong? Why aren't you getting the starfish?" The boy replies "My hands are full of shells." This story was again saying that we need to look at our lives to determine if we are holding onto what is truly important.
Coincidence?
Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
This verse has been popping up at me practically everywhere! It is the Youth Director's favorite (Wednesday). I saw it at the doctor's office (Thursday) and when I was getting a massage a few days later (Monday). It even showed up in a devotion email I get every day (Tuesday).
Both Jeremiah and the previous stories have caused me to be thinking "Hmmm. God are you trying to tell me something??" At first I was thinking that it was actually something in my life that I need to get rid of. I'm not going to lie. There are a few things that I could do without! For the most part my activities are work, church, chores and my relationship with Seth. I don't think God would be telling me to quit my job or stop being active at church. I sure hope he's not saying I should get rid of Seth.... So what is it??
After pondering, having a heavy heart and literally racking my brain, it finally hit me and was further pounded into my head during church service this past Sunday. God isn't trying to say cut an actual activity out of your life. He's saying "Cut out the drama! Trust in me!" I've wasted so much energy on trying to fix X that I have turned into this monster that doesn't even look or act like me. As I continue through "Love Your Life", I am challenged to think of my life in a different way. I have been and am continually blessed everyday by God. Fussing and fighting over things in my life just end up hurting me. If I give it over to God, He can and will take care of everything for me. It isn't easy for me. I'm here to tell you that I am going to try my hardest on a daily basis to be thankful and to say "Lord, it is your will not mine."
I simply ask that you pray for me as I am taking this journey. I know (via facebook) several friends and church members are also taking this journey as well. Pray that their hearts are given peace and they will let God guide them through their lives.
“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.” ~ Albert Einstein
No comments:
Post a Comment