Journaling

This is my journal.  It isn't anything fancy.  It has battle scars, bumps and bruises.  (The binding is broken.  There are a few burns from my flat iron and makeup splotches.  The ribbon that holds my place is significantly shorter than when I bought it.)  This is, by far, the largest journal I've purchased.  It has survived the past few years. I'm on a mission to write more frequently so that I can finish it and move on to another.

It may sound odd for a 20 something to be talking about journaling.  Go ahead and laugh.  I find it rather therapeutic.  I've been writing off and on since I was about 12.  I write about daily events, things I've seen, people in my life, thoughts or feelings about things I do not discuss with others, prayers.  So many things go into my journal.  As the years go by, sometimes I pull an old one out.  (Yes, I keep them all.)  I find it funny to look back at what I thought my life was like, the horrors I had experienced, things that made me giddy with laughter, boys I've "loved" and lost.  Everything that I have written is part of me.  It has molded and shaped me into the woman I am today.


This is a typical entry for me.  Date on top.  BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. Signature. :)

On a side note, I think it is super cool to watch your signature transform.  When I first started, it was cursive writing by the book.  As I've aged, it has become less by the book and more about me.  Sometimes it is a line w/ barely enough of a curve on the top and bottom to signify an S!  Sometimes it is very fluid and others it is sharp and rigid.  All of which denote moods.


I find the disadvantages of journaling are fewer than the advantages.  I'll start with those first.

Disadvantages
1. Worrying about people reading your most intimate thoughts.  I had a minor freak out when I thought I left my journal at Seth's.  Thankfully I found it in one of my bags.  The thought of Seth being able to read everything I've said about our relationship blew my mind.  I don't know if he would actually do something like that.  I wouldn't put it past him though.  I'm fairly open in our relationship so I'm not sure what else he would gain from it.
2. The randomness of writing.  I can go for months without writing.  When I finally sit down to put in an entry, I'm amazed at how much time has lapsed.  I hate that I'm not able to remember all the specific details that have occurred during that time.

Advantages
1. Writing through confusing/trying times where I can't seem to make sense of it.  Writing causes me to slow down; to control all the information flowing through my head so that it has to line up and take order.
2. I'm able to return to it and laugh about where I've been.
3. I'm also able to remember events to see what happened.  When you are in the moment or a few days after, memories are pouring out of your brain.  If you wait a few weeks, months, years, you don't remember all the nitty gritty details.
4. It is the one time where I can be me.  I am real and alive.  I can agree or disagree with my thoughts and feelings.  I can reprimand myself.  I can praise myself.  I can say all the things I've been dying to get off my chest throughout the day.  I can dream without anyone telling me no.
5. One day, I will be able to pass them on to my future-hypothetical-children.  We've all been through the same things.  The general topic, yes.  The specific details, maybe not so much.  All children have a difficult time thinking of their parents as anything other than parents.  They have never experienced heart break.  They have never experienced failing grades or not making a sports team.  They have no idea what it is like to have parents who won't let them hang out with certain friends.  Oh what little do they know...  I think by passing on journals, my future-hypothetical-children may understand me more as a person that has experienced the same struggles that they are experiencing and less like a controlling, nagging monster. :)  Of course, I will do some editing...  They don't need to know ALL of the details!


So who else keeps a journal?  Why do you choose to keep one?  What are the things you choose to write?


“There is a part of me that wants to write, a part that wants to theorize, a part that wants to sculpt, a part that wants to teach…. To force myself into a single role, to decide to be just one thing in life, would kill off large parts of me.” -H. Prather

Birthday Festivities!

Normally around this time of the year, I'm vacationing in some southern location that I've never been to.  This year I waited too late to plan.  Seth so graciously pointed out that my birthday happens to be at one of the most expensive times of the year.  The practical part of me decided to wait to take a vacation.  I still took my birthday off though!  I find it completely repulsive to work on your birthday.  Everyone should follow my lead and enjoy your day doing whatever you like.  It is good for your soul.

Festivities began on Thursday with a day at the lake and then dinner.  Seth let me sleep in and be lazy.  We finally got to the lake around 11 with very few people in sight.  It was a great day.  The sun was HOT but a breeze kept us cool.  Just so happened that we found a great spot by trees so I got some shade for a few hours.  The water was cold so I stayed out of it for the most part.  Seth is so insistent on me swimming out to the buoys.  I'm not so keen on it so I sat out using the excuse of "It's my birthday!"  We finally headed out around 5:30pm to get cleaned up and ready for dinner.  Seth wouldn't tell me where we were headed but that is part of the fun.  He took me to Smokies on the Gorge.  It is a open restaurant overlooking the New River Gorge.  The atmosphere was great and the food was even better.  I was stuffed like a sausage!!  I tried alligator ribs which were actually quite tasty.  We kind of watched the sunset.  I think we were both really fixated on the food though. :)  We briefly thought about catching a movie but I was exhausted from being on the lake.  So we went home to watch some tv and I fell asleep long before midnight!

Friday, I headed back home to go to the eye doctor.  Dum Dum Dum...  I finally gave in and got contacts.  I really don't know how long they will last though.  I know it takes a few days to get adjusted but they don't seem to be quite right. I go back in a week or so to see how they are doing.  The actual fitting was pure torture.  I HATE for things to be in my eyes.  Anytime I had to have eye drops, my mom all but had to put my head in a vice to keep me from squirming and then pry my eyelids open with a death grip.  This doctor put up a good fight and finally got them in.  Once he had me get up and move to another station, I felt like I was about to pass out.  It was hot.  I couldn't really hear anything.  My vision started to go black.  I sat back down and just chilled for a few.  I settled back down and was able to go with the standard "How To" session.  They only lasted a few hours that afternoon.  Gradually they are staying in longer.

Saturday, we went to a Reds game!!!  I love watching live action baseball.  I think it is one of the most boring sports to watch on television besides golf that is.  Game time was 4:10.  We arrived shortly after with just enough time to hear the national anthem, find our seats and settle in.  This is what we saw!! 

Yep, the boy did good!  Seats right behind home plate.  The sun was out in full force so I had to pay for a teeny tiny tube of sunscreen but it was worth it.  There was plenty of people watching.  A guy in front of us had one insane head of hair!!!  It was to the middle of his back and looked like he needed a straightener or serious conditioner.  Something!!  I also had a lady come up to me to ask if I was a Reds fan.  Sure.  Well she jinxed the Reds somehow the night before so she needed to rub the head of a redheaded Reds fan.  I went along with it and she got the thumbs up from her hubby.  Totally random but I was happy to oblige.

Oh you think the weekend is over??  Not even close!!!  Sunday, we headed to the homestead.  I asked my momma to make me a birthday cake.  It is SOOO good.  Lemon cake with a special lemon icing.  I'm not a fan of real icing but I'll eat this stuff!!  We hung out there for a bit.  I searched for some younger travel pictures but I couldn't seem to find any.  I'll look another time!  But by dark we headed back to Seth's.

Monday - HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA! - They let me sleep in until 10am!!  I felt worthless the rest of the day!  We kind of just hung out at the house.  I forgot my dress shoes for work, so Seth took me shopping.  He went in search of a case for his phone.  I went looking for shoes.  I found a pretty cool looking pair for $15.  A steal!  We went to a cookout and then I made him take me to watch fireworks.  I'm such a kid about those kinds of things!

What a fantabulous weekend!!  So many friends called, texted, left messages on Facebook to wish me a happy birthday.  It just warms your heart that someone would take a few seconds/minutes out of their day to wish you the best!  Seth did an AWESOME job of celebrating my birthday.  I told him I need to have more birthdays, that way I get what I want.  Just kidding!  He's usually pretty good about that stuff.  I hope everyone else had a great Fourth of July weekend as well!!